Thought you'd like to see this, from my very good friend of 33 yrs



A friend of mine opened his wife's underwear drawer and picked up a silk paper wrapped package:

'This, - he said - isn't any ordinary package.'

He unwrapped the box and stared at both the silk paper and the box.

'She got this the first time we went to New York , 8 or 9 years ago. She has never put it on , was saving it for a special occasion.

Well, I guess this is it.

He got near the bed and placed the gift box next to the other clothing he was taking to the funeral house, his wife had just died.....

He turned to me and said:

'Never save something for a special occasion.

Every day in your life is a special occasion'.

I still think those words changed my life.

Now I read more and clean less.

I sit on the porch without worrying about anything.

I spend more time with my family, and less at work.

I understood that life should be a source of experience to be lived up to, not survived through.

I no longer keep anything.

I use crystal glasses every day....

I'll wear new clothes to go to the supermarket, if I feel like it.

I don't save my special perfume for special occasions, I use it whenever I want to.

The words 'Someday.....' and ' One Day...' are fading away from my dictionary.

If it's worth seeing, listening or doing, I want to see, listen or do it now.....

I don't know what my friend's wife would have done if she knew she wouldn't be there the next morning, this nobody can tell.

I think she might have called her relatives and closest friends.
She might call old friends to make peace over past quarrels.

I'd like to think she would go out for Chinese, her favourite food.

It's these small things that I would regret not doing, if I knew my time had come.

Each day, each hour, each minute, is special.

Live for today, for tomorrow is promised to no-one.

If you got this, it's because someone cares for you and because, probably, there's someone you care about.

If you're too busy to send this out to other people and you say to yourself that you will send it'One of these days' , remember that 'One day' is far away... or might never come....


Rev. Alan M Lenich DD

Thank you so much Ron. This just solved my problem.

I am a single mom (with 17-year-old daughter so no one needs to worry about her) alone at home thinking if I should go out tonight - its 7 pm now. I'll comb me hair and head for few ciders. Cant drink too much as I'm on antibiotics for my eye and don't want to miss the pill at 2 am. Or should I stay awake to take it

We should all enjoy what we have while we have it, be it a day or an hour, or a minute! Thanks for sharing with us OpaBear!

Here's the latest from the Rev

IDIOT SIGHTING
We had to have the garage door repaired. The Sears repairman told us that one of our problems was that we did not have a 'large' enough motor on the opener. I thought for a minute, and said that we had the largest one Sears made at that time, a 1/2 horsepower. He shook his head and said, 'Lady, you need a 1/4 horsepower.' I responded that 1/2 was larger than 1/4. He said, 'NO, it's not.' Four is larger than two..

We haven't used Sears repair since.

IDIOT SIGHTING:


My daughter and I went through the McDonald's take-out window and I gave the clerk a $5 bill. Our total was $4.25, so I also handed her a quarter. She said, 'you gave me too much money.' I said, 'Yes I know, but this way you can just give me a dollar bill back. She sighed and went to get the manager who asked me to repeat my request. I did so, and he handed me back the quarter, and said 'We're sorry but we could not do that kind of thing.' The clerk then proceeded to give me back $1 and 75 cents in change..

Do not confuse the clerks at McDonald's.

IDIOT SIGHTING :
I live in a semi rural area. We recently had a new neighbor call the local township administrative office to request the removal of the DEER CROSSING sign on our road. The reason: 'Too many deer are being hit by cars out here!' I don't think this is a good place for them to be crossing anymore.'

From Kingman , KS .



IDIOT SIGHTING IN FOOD SERVICE :
My daughter went to a local Taco Bell and ordered a taco. She asked the person behind the counter for 'minimal lettuce.' He said he was sorry, but they only had iceberg lettuce.
From Kansas City



IDIOT SIGHTING:
I was at the airport, checking in at the gate when an airport employee asked, 'Has anyone put anything in your baggage without your knowledge?' To which I replied, 'If it was without my knowledge, how would I know?' He smiled knowingly and nodded,
'That's why we ask.'

Happened in Birmingham , Ala.



IDIOT SIGHTING :
The stoplight on the corner buzzes when it's safe to cross the street. I was crossing with an intellectually challenged coworker of mine. She asked if I knew what the buzzer was for. I explained that it signals blind people when the light is red. Appalled, she responded, 'What on earth are blind people doing driving?!'

She was a probation officer in Wichita , KS


IDIOT SIGHTING :
At a good-bye luncheon for an old and dear coworker. She was leaving the company due to 'downsizing.' Our manager commented cheerfully, 'This is fun. We should do this more often.' Not another word was spoken. We all just looked at each other with that deer-in-the-headlights stare.

This was a lunch at Texas Instruments.


IDIOT SIGHTING :
I work with an individual who plugged her power strip back into itself and for the sake of her life, couldn't understand why her system would not turn on.


A deputy with the Dallas County Sheriffs office, no less.



IDIOT SIGHTING


When my husband and I arrived at an automobile dealership to pick up our car, we were told the keys had been locked in it. We went to the service department and found a mechanic working feverishly to unlock the driver side door. As I watched from the passenger side, I instinctively tried the door handle and discovered that it was unlocked. 'Hey,' I announced to the technician, 'its open!' His reply, 'I know. I already got that side.'

This was at the Ford dealership in Canton, MS



STAY ALERT!


They walk among us... and they VOTE and they REPRODUCE

Good chuckle OpaBear! I enjoyed it!

A great start to the day, thanks.

Al Gore, Bill Clinton and Barrack Obama go to heaven,

God addresses Al first. ''Al, what do you believe in?''

Al replies: "Well, I believe that I won that election, but that it was your will that I did not serve. And I've come to understand that now.''



God thinks for a second and says: "Very good. Come and sit at my left.''

God then addresses Bill. "Bill, what do you believe in?''

Bill replies: "I believe in forgiveness. I've sinned, but I've never held a
grudge against my fellow man, and I hope no grudges are held against me.'' ;

God thinks for a second and says: "You are forgiven, my son. Come and sit at my right.''

Then God addresses Barack. "Barack, what do you believe in?''


He replies: "I believe you're in my chair."

SMILE. Ah come on and just laugh out loud – make you feel better. Myrna




Only in America......do drugstores make the sick walk all the way to the back of the store to get their prescriptions while healthy people can buy cigarettes at the front.


--------------------------------------------------------------------------------



Only in America....do people order double cheeseburgers, large fries, and a diet coke.


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Only in America .....do banks leave vault doors open and then chain the pens to the counters.


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Only in America .....do we leave cars worth thousands of dollars in the driveway and put our useless junk in the garage.


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Only in America ........do we buy hot dogs in packages of ten and buns in packages of eight.


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Only in America.....do they have drive-up ATM machines with Braille lettering.

_________________




Ever wonder. . .

Why the sun lightens our hair, but darkens our skin?


--------------------------------------------------------------------------------


Why can't women put on mascara with their mouth closed?


--------------------------------------------------------------------------------


Why don't you ever see the headline 'Psychic Wins Lottery'?


--------------------------------------------------------------------------------


Why is 'abbreviated' such a long word?


--------------------------------------------------------------------------------


Why is it that doctors call what they do 'practice'?


--------------------------------------------------------------------------------


Why is lemon juice made with artificial flavor, and dishwashing liquid made with real lemons?


--------------------------------------------------------------------------------


Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker?


--------------------------------------------------------------------------------


Why is the time of day with the slowest traffic called rush hour?


--------------------------------------------------------------------------------


Why isn't there mouse-flavored cat food?


--------------------------------------------------------------------------------


Why didn't Noah swat those two mosquitoes?


--------------------------------------------------------------------------------


Why do they sterilize the needle for lethal injections?


--------------------------------------------------------------------------------


You know that indestructible black box that is used on airplanes? Why don't they make the whole plane out of that stuff?!


--------------------------------------------------------------------------------


Why don't sheep shrink when it rains?


--------------------------------------------------------------------------------


Why are they called apartments when they are all stuck together?


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I like this one!!!
If con is the opposite of pro, is Congress the opposite of progress?


--------------------------------------------------------------------------------


If flying is so safe,why do they call the airport the terminal?


--------------------------------------------------------------------------------


Now that you've smiled at least once, it's your turn to spread the stupidity and send this to someone you want to bring a smile to (maybe even a chuckle)...in other words, send it to everyone. We all need to smile every once in a while.

Thanks for the smiles! Only in America!

It has just been reported that the head gardener at The White House has been dismissed after 28 years of loyal service to the many US presidents.

When interviewed, the elderly, Caucasian gardener protested his innocence and said "All I know is I was walking past the Oval Office and I yelled out to my assistants, "Has anyone seen the spade and the hoe."

The next thing I knew I was being fired.

Thanks for the chuckle!

Yep, we all need a laugh, so thanks, Opa Bear. And it is not just in America, you know, Ron.

This is neat. I don't know how folks figure all this stuff out. Enjoy.

1. CLICK ON THE LINK (COFFEE MACHINE BELOW)
2. PUT THE COIN IN THE VENDING MACHINE
3. CHOOSE YOUR DRINK
4. CLICK ON THE CUP WHEN IT IS READY
5 CLICK ON 'OPEN'
ENJOY!
Don't forget to click on 'OPEN' !!!

COFFEE MACHINE

And why do packets of nuts have the warning: This product may contain nuts.

As a friend said, "I would sue if it didn't contain nuts." And a cake topped with nuts that are plain to see would also have the same warning as would a product like Peanut Brittle.

Surely the name tells you that it contains nuts, you do not need a warning. After all anyone with a food intolerance or allergy I know read all the small print as they know the tiniest amount can make them feel ill.

I guess I must be on the wrong page -

A vehicle at 15 mpg and 12,000 miles per year uses 800 gallons a year of gasoline.

A vehicle at 25 mpg and 12,000 miles per year uses 480 gallons a year.

So, the average clunker transaction will reduce US gasoline consumption by 320 gallons per year.

They claim 700,000 vehicles, so that's 224 million gallons/year savings.

That equates to a bit over 5 million barrels of oil.

5 million barrels of oil is about 25% of one day's US consumption.

And, 5 million barrels of oil costs about $350 million dollars at $75/bbl.

So, we all contributed to spending $3 billion to save $350 million.

How good a deal was that ???

They'll probably do a great job with health care though.

A vehicle at 15 mpg and 12,000 miles per year uses 800 gallons a year of gasoline.

A vehicle at 25 mpg and 12,000 miles per year uses 480 gallons a year.


What sort of cars are these? Mine does around 50 miles per gallon.

Just as well as my petrol costs £4.72 per gallon which is $7.68 in American money.

On the question of the healthecare reforms and the disgraceful way President Obama is attacked over it and the lies and distortions about the British NHS system. All I can say after the New Orleans hurricane support all I can say is, "I am not surprised." In America if you are poor then you don't count. Maybe the poor are not really Americans in their twisted minds.

In Australia at one time the Aborigines were not classed as "proper" humans so did not have the same rights as "proper" i.e. White Aussies. I think some Americans feel the same way about the poor in America.

Of course the Middle Classes have a comfortable lifestyle and reasonable costs of shopping, restaurants, house cleaning etc because the poor do two full time jobs a day but at such a low wage they will still be poor.

America the land of the free and of equal opportunity for all. That has to be the biggest con of all time.

MURDER AT WAL-MART...

Tired of constantly being broke & stuck in an unhappy marriage, a young husband decided to solve both problems by taking out a large insurance policy on his wife with himself as the beneficiary, and then arranging to have her killed.

A 'friend of a friend' put him in touch with a nefarious dark-side underworld figure who went by the name of 'Artie.'

Artie then explained to the husband that his going price for snuffing out a spouse was $5,000..

The husband said he was willing to pay that amount, but that he wouldn't have any cash on hand until he could collect his wife's insurance money.

Artie insisted on being paid at least something up front, so the man opened his wallet, displaying the single dollar bill that rested inside. Artie sighed, rolled his eyes, & reluctantly agreed to accept the dollar as down payment for the dirty deed.

A few days later, Artie followed the man's wife to the local Super Wal-Mart store. There, he surprised her in the produce department & proceeded to strangle her with his gloved hands & as the poor unsuspecting woman drew her last breath & slumped to the floor ........

The manager of the produce department stumbled unexpectedly onto the murder scene. Unwilling to leave any living witnesses behind, ol' Artie had no choice but to strangle the produce manager as well..

However, unknown to Artie, the entire proceedings were captured by the hidden security cameras & observed by the store's security guard, who immediately called t he police. Artie was caught & arrested before he could even leave the store ..

Under intense questioning at the police station, Artie revealed the whole sordid plan, including his unusual financial arrangements with the hapless husband who was also quickly arrested.

The next day in the newspaper, the headline declared...














(You're going to hate me for this ... )













'ARTIE CHOKES 2 for $1.00 @ WAL-MART!'

These are American cars and the American car makers are all in bed with the oil companies so the only way we'll ever get cars that give decent gas mileage is if we buy foreign cars. So, what sort of car do you have that gets 50 mpg?

Got this today thought I'd share:


During a recent password audit, it was found that a blonde was using the following password:

MickeyMinniePlutoHueyLouieDeweyDonaldGoofy

When asked why such a big password, she said that it had to be at least 8 characters long.

that's a good one, thanks for the grin

I have a Nissan Micra.

Stangely enough it was a Nissan (but it looked like a Nissan Note which is larger) that was involved in a dreadful accident in Worlingham last week. We were going to Beccles through the adjoining village of Worlingham to do some shopping but had to go via the bypass instead. That even ing we found out why. The car had hit a group of children walking with 2 teachers and a young man. The man was on his way to a funereal for a 21 year old friend who had been killed in a car accident. People in the churchyard felt the car would have hit them as well but for the church wall. Thankfully there were no deaths but some broken bones. One poor child who was amongst those, including the young man, has broken bones in both legs, collarbone and a chipped wrist.

Why it happened we will learn when the court case is heard. The woman driver has been charged with dangerous driving. It is a wide road, a slight bend near the church but the site is well into the 30 mile an hour zone. I can only think it was a mobile phone ringing or she was on one as apparently she suddenly swerved across the road and into the children and adults walking on the pavement.

Or it could have been a text message and the driver couldn't be bothered with pulling over long enough to deal with it.

Hope I'm not crossing the line with this one

The 6th grade science teacher, Mrs. Parks, asked her class,

'Which human body part increases to ten times its size when stimulated?'

No one answered until little Mary stood up and said, 'You should not be asking sixth graders a question like that! I'm going to tell my parents, and they will go and tell the Principal, who will then fire you!'

Mrs. Parks ignored her and asked the question again, 'Which body part increases to 10 times its size when stimulated?'

Little Mary's mouth fell open. Then she said to those around her, 'Boy, is she going to get in big trouble!'

The teacher continued to ignore her and said to the class, 'Anybody?'

Finally, Billy stood up, looked around nervously, and said, 'The body part that increases 10 times its size when stimulated is the pupil of the eye.'

Mrs. Parks said, 'Very good, Billy,' then turned to Mary and continued .

'As for you, young lady, I have three things to say:

One, you have a dirty mind.

Two, you didn't read your homework.

And three, one day you are going to be very, VERY disappointed.'

How true

Good one!

As for you, old Mrs. Parks, I also have three things to say:

One, you should never accuse a young and inexperienced lady of being dirty minded.

Two, you are obviously dirty minded when asking the question about which part of the body increases to x times its size.

And three, one day the young lady is going to be very, VERY happy.

Cheers,
Papy

Things you should know, but probably don't:
1. Money isn't made out of paper. It's made out of cotton.

2. The Declaration of Independence was written on hemp (marijuana) paper.

3. The dot over the letter 'i' is called a 'tittle'.

4. A raisin dropped in a glass of fresh champagne will bounce up and down continuously from the bottom of the glass to the top.

5. Susan Lucci is the daughter of Phyllis Diller.

6. 40% of McDonald's profits come from the sales of Happy Meals.

7. 315 entries in Webster's 1996 Dictionary were misspelled.

8. The 'spot' on 7-UP comes from its inventor, who had red eyes.. He was albino.

9. On average, 12 newborns will be given to the wrong parents, daily.

10. Warren Beatty and Shirley MacLaine are brother and sister.

11. Chocolate affects a dog's heart and nervous system; a few ounces will kill a small sized dog.

12. Orcas (killer whales) kill sharks by torpedoing up into the shark's stomach from underneath, causing the shark to explode.

13. Most lipstick contains fish scales (eeww).

14. Donald Duck comics were banned from Finland because he doesn't wear pants.

15. Ketchup was sold in the 1830's as medicine.

16. Upper and lower case letters are named 'upper' and 'lower' because in the time when all original print had to be set in individual letters, the 'upper case' letters were stored in the case on top of the case that stored the smaller, 'lower case' letters.

17. Leonardo Da Vinci could write with one hand and draw with the other at the same time hence, multitasking was invented.

18.. Because metal was scarce, the Oscars given out during World War II were made of wood.

19. There are no clocks in Las Vegas gambling casinos.

20. The name Wendy was made up for the book Peter Pan; there was never a recorded Wendy before!

21. There are no words in the dictionary that rhyme with: orange, purple, and silver!

22. Leonardo DaVinci invented scissors. Also, it took him 10 years to paint Mona Lisa's lips.

23. A tiny amount of liquor on a scorpion will make it instantly go mad and sting itself to death.

24. The mask used by Michael Myers in the original 'Halloween' was a Captain Kirk's mask painted white.

25. If you have three quarters, four dimes, and four pennies, you have $1.19. You also have the largest amount of money in coins without being able to make change for a dollar. (good to know)

26. By raising your legs slowly and lying on your back, you can't sink in quicksand. (and you thought this list was completely useless)

27. The phrase 'rule of thumb' is derived from an old English law, which stated that you couldn't beat your wife with anything wider than your thumb.

28. The first product Motorola started to develop was a record player for automobiles. At that time, the most known player on the market was the Victrola, so they called themselves Motorola.

29. Celery has negative calories! It takes more calories to eat a piece of celery than the celery has in it to begin with. It's the same with apples!

30. Chewing gum while peeling onions will keep you from crying!

31. The glue on Israeli postage stamps is certified kosher.

32 Guinness Book of Records holds the record for being the book most often stolen from Public Libraries

33. Astronauts are not allowed to eat beans before they go into space because passing wind in a space suit damages it. I NEED TO REMEMBER THIS.


34.. George Carlin said it best about Martha Stewart. 'Boy, I feel a lot safer now that she's behind bars. OJ Simpson and Kobe Bryant are still walking around; Osama Bin Laden too, but they take the ONE WOMAN in America willing to cook, clean, and work in the yard, and they haul her off to jail'..

A Mafia Godfather finds out that his bookkeeper has cheated him out of $10 million bucks. His bookkeeper is deaf. That was the reason he got the job in the first place. It was assumed that a deaf bookkeeper would not hear anything that he might have to testify about in court.

When the Godfather goes to confront the bookkeeper about his missing $10 million, he brings along his attorney, who knows sign language.

The Godfather tells the lawyer 'Ask him where the $10 million bucks he embezzled from me is'. The attorney, using sign language, asks the bookkeeper where the money is.

The bookkeeper signs back: 'I don't know what you are talking about'. The attorney tells the Godfather: 'He says he doesn't know what you're talking about'.

The Godfather pulls out a pistol, puts it to the bookkeeper's temple and says, 'Ask him again'!

The attorney signs to the bookkeeper: 'He'll kill you if you don't tell him'!

The bookkeeper signs back: 'OK! OK! You win! The money is in a brown briefcase, buried behind the shed in my cousin Enzo's backyard in Queens '!

The Godfather asks the attorney: 'Well, what'd he say'?

The attorney replies: 'He says you don't have the guts to pull the trigger'.

This is from my dad

I thought this was a very interesting but unknown fact about penguins.

Did you ever wonder why there are no dead penguins?

on the ice in Antarctica - where do they go?

Wonder no more!!! It is a known fact that the penguin is a very ritualistic bird which lives an extremely ordered and complex life.

The penguin is very committed to its family and will mate for life, as well as maintaining a form of compassionate contact with its offspring throughout its life.

If a penguin is found dead on the ice surface, other members of the family and social circle have been known to dig holes in the ice, using their vestigial wings and beaks, until the hole is deep enough for the dead bird to be rolled into and buried.

The male penguins then gather in a circle around the fresh grave and sing:



















"Freeze a jolly good fellow."






"Then they kick him in the ice hole."



You really didn't believe that I knew anything about penguins, did you?



Ever wonder why you gave me your e-mail address?

What to do if seated next to a jerk on a plane....

1. Take out your laptop.
2. Slowly open your laptop.
3. Turn it on.
4. Make certain your neighbor is watching.
5. Open your Internet browser.
6. Close your eyes for a few moments, open them, and then look up to the sky, or the heavens, if you will.
7. Breathe deeply and open the following site: http://www.myit-media.de/the_end.html
8. Look at the expression on your neighbor's face.

I would love to do that but I fear the jerk would take it seriously. Once a jerk always a jerk. If they do not start screaming about a terrorist on board they will grin at the check in desk about having exploding "something" in their main luggage and starting a panic there. Not lying of course, the "something" was an exploding cigar that was so cheap it did not explode.

chuckle chuckle!

For various reasons I am very stressed at the moment. But these things wil pass, like, ROn, I am a fighter.

But these really do cheer me up so much. COming downstairs in the morning feeling depressed and then read one of these and I am laughing. So thanks, Opa Bear.

>> DEATH OF THE OLD COW
>>
>>
>> Suddenly, a cow jumps out into the road in front of a car,
>> they hit full on, and the car comes to a stop.
>> Nancy, in her usual charming manner, says to the chauffeur,
>> "You get out and check - you were driving."
>> So the chauffeur gets out, checks, and reports that the animal
>> is dead but it was old..
>> "You were driving, so you go and tell the farmer," says Nancy .
>> Two hours later the chauffeur returns totally plastered, hair
>> ruffled with a big grin on his face.
>> "My God, what happened to you?" asks Nancy .
>> The chauffeur replies, "When I got there, the farmer opened his
>> best bottle of malt whisky, the wife gave me a slap-up meal and the
>> daughter made love to me."
>> "What on earth did you say?" asks Nancy .
>> "I just knocked on the door and when it opened I said to them,
>> "I'm Nancy Pelosi's chauffeur, and I've just killed the old cow."

I'm not anti-gay but i did find this to be very funny.

A young boy went up to his father and asked him, 'Dad, what is the difference between 'potentially' and 'realistically' ?'

The father thought for a moment, then answered, 'Go ask your mother if she would sleep with Brad Pitt for a million dollars.

Then ask your sister if she would sleep with Brad Pitt for a million dollars, and then ask your brother if he'd sleep with Brad Pitt for a million dollars. Come back and tell me what you learn from that..'

So the boy went to his mother and asked, 'Would You sleep with Brad Pitt for a million dollars?'

The mother replied, 'Of course I would! We could Really use that money to fix up the house and send you kids to a great University!'

The boy then went to his sister and asked, 'Would you sleep with Brad Pitt for a million dollars?'

The girl replied, 'Oh my Gawd! I LOVE Brad Pitt I Would sleep with him in a heartbeat, are you nuts?'

The boy then went to his brother and asked, 'Would you sleep with Brad Pitt for a million dollars?'

'Of course,' the brother replied. 'Do you know what a million bucks would buy?'

The boy pondered the answers for a few days and then went back to his dad..

His father asked him, 'Did you find out the difference between 'potentially' and 'realistically' ?'

The boy replied, 'Yes, 'Potentially' , you and I are sitting on three million dollars

But 'realistically' , we're living with two hookers and a queer..

couldn't resist it

Subject: NEW POLICE DOGS
New Police dogs

From the Chicago police chief: The City of Chicago police department has announced this morning that all German Shepherd Police Dogs will be replaced by Coon Hounds, due to the fact that the city is not having any problems with Germans.

WARNING: If you laughed at this, Al Sharpton, Jesse Jackson, Barack Obama and Rev. Wright will be comin' over to kick yo honky ass!

As she stood in front of
> her 5th grade class on the very first day of school, she
> told the children an untruth. Like most teachers, she looked
> at her students and said that she loved them all the same.
> However, that was impossible, because there in the front
> row, slumped in his seat, was a little boy named Teddy
> Stoddard.
>
>
>
> Mrs. Thompson had watched Teddy the year before and noticed
> that he did not play well with the other children, that his
> clothes were messy and that he constantly needed a bath. In
> addition, Teddy could be unpleasant. It got to the point
> where Mrs. Thompson would actually take delight in marking
> his papers with a broad red pen, making bold X's and
> then putting a big "F" at the top of his papers.
>
>
>
>
> At the school where Mrs. Thompson taught, she was required
> to review each child's past records and she put
> Teddy's off until last. However, when she reviewed his
> file, she was in for a surprise.
>
>
>
> Teddy's first grade teacher wrote, "Teddy is a
> bright child with a ready laugh. He does his work neatly and
> has good manners... he is a joy to be around..."
>
>
>
>
> His second grade teacher wrote, "Teddy is an excellent
> student, well liked by his classmates, but he is troubled
> because his mother has a terminal illness and life at home
> must be a struggle."
>
>
>
> His third grade teacher wrote, "His mother's death
> has been hard on him. He tries to do his best, but his
> father doesn't show much interest, and his home life
> will soon affect him if some steps aren't taken."
>
>
>
>
> Teddy's fourth grade teacher wrote, "Teddy is
> withdrawn and doesn't show much interest in school. He
> doesn't have many friends and he sometimes sleeps in
> class."
>
>
>
> By now, Mrs. Thompson realized the problem and she was
> ashamed of herself. She felt even worse when her students
> brought her Christmas
> presents, wrapped in beautiful ribbons and bright paper,
> except for Teddy's.. His present was clumsily wrapped in
> the heavy, brown paper that he got from a grocery bag. Mrs.
> Thompson took pains to open it in the middle of the other
> presents. Some of the children started to laugh when she
> found a rhinestone bracelet with some of the stones missing,
> and a bottle that was one-quarter full of perfume. But she
> stifled the children's laughter when she exclaimed how
> pretty the bracelet was, putting it on, and dabbing some of
> the perfume on her wrist. Teddy Stoddard stayed after school
> that day just long enough to say, "Mrs. Thompson, today
> you smelled just like my Mom used to."
>
>
>
>
> After the children left, she cried for at least an hour. On
> that very day, she quit teaching reading, writing and
> arithmetic. Instead, she began to teach children. Mrs.
> Thompson paid particular attention to Teddy. As she worked
> with him, his mind seemed to come alive. The more she
> encouraged him, the faster he responded. By the end of the
> year, Teddy had become one of the smartest children in the
> class and, despite her lie that she would love all the
> children the same, Teddy became one of her
> "teacher's pets.."
>
>
>
> A year later, she found a note under her door, from Teddy,
> telling her that she was the best teacher he ever had in his
> whole life.
>
>
>
> Six years went by before she got another note from Teddy.
> He then wrote that he had finished high school, third in his
> class, and she was still the best teacher he ever had in
> life.
>
>
>
> Four years after that, she got another letter, saying that
> while things had been tough at times, he'd stayed in
> school, had stuck with it, and would soon graduate from
> college with the highest of honours. He assured Mrs.
> Thompson that she was still the best and favourite teacher
> he had ever had in his whole life..
>
>
>
> Then four more years passed and yet another letter came..
> This time he explained that after he got his bachelor's
> degree, he decided to go a little further. The letter
> explained that she was still the best and favourite teacher
> he ever had. But now his name was a little longer.... The
> letter was signed, Theodore F. Stoddard, MD.
>
>
>
>
> The story does not end there. You see, there was yet
> another letter that spring. Teddy said he had met this girl
> and was going to be married. He explained that his father
> had died a couple of years ago and he was wondering if Mrs.
> Thompson might agree to sit at the wedding in the place that
> was usually reserved for the mother of the groom. Of course,
> Mrs. Thompson did. And guess what? She wore that bracelet,
> the one with several rhinestones missing. Moreover, she made
> sure she was wearing the perfume that Teddy remembered his
> mother wearing on their last Christmas together.
>
>
>
>
> They hugged each other, and Dr. Stoddard whispered in Mrs.
> Thompson's ear, "Thank you Mrs. Thompson for
> believing in me. Thank you so much for making me feel
> important and showing me that I could make a
> difference."
>
>
>
> Mrs. Thompson, with tears in her eyes, whispered back. She
> said, "Teddy, you have it all wrong. You were the one
> who taught me that I could make a difference. I didn't
> know how to teach until I met you.."
>
>
>
>
> (For you that don't know, Teddy Stoddard is the Dr. at
> Iowa
> Methodist in Des Moines that has the Stoddard Cancer Wing.)

Made me cry.....we should all remember this!

Methinks anyone who reads that and doesn't get a tear has a heart of stone. It's the little things that often go unnoticed that can mean so much.

George Bush, Queen Elizabeth, and Vladimir Putin all die and go to hell. While there, they spy a red phone and ask what the phone is for.

The devil tells them it is for calling back to Earth.

Putin asks to call Russia and talks for 5 minutes.

When he is finished the devil informs him that the cost is a million dollars, so Putin writes him a check.

Next Queen Elizabeth calls England and talks for 30 minutes. When she is finished the devil informs her that the cost is 6 million dollars, so she writes him a check.

Finally George Bush gets his turn and talks for 4 hours. When he is finished the devil informs him that the cost is $5.00.

When Putin hears this he goes ballistic and asks the devil why Bush got to call the USA so cheaply.

The devil smiles and replies: "Since Obama took over, the country has gone to hell, so it's a local call."

Made me LoL! hehe!

It is of course a lie put about by the Tea Party people. They will stop at nothing to smear that fine man, President Obama, who commits the two sins of not being of pure European stock and of caring about the hard working poor and those who are genuinely too sick or disabled to work.

Why I'm divorced.........

Last week was my birthday and I didn't feel very well waking up on that morning..

I went downstairs for breakfast Hoping my wife would be pleasant and say, 'Happy Birthday!', And possibly have a small present for me.

As it turned out, She barely said good morning, Let alone ' Happy Birthday.'

I thought....

Well, that's marriage for you, But the kids.... They will remember.

My kids came bounding down stairs to breakfast And didn't say a word.. So when I left for the office, I felt pretty low And somewhat despondent.

As I walked into my office, My secretary Jane said, 'Good Morning Boss, And by the way Happy Birthday ! '
It felt a little better That at least someone had remembered.

I worked until one o'clock , When Jane knocked on my door And said, 'You know, It's such a beautiful day outside, And it is your Birthday, What do you say we go out to lunch, Just you and me..' I said, 'Thanks, Jane, that's the greatest thing I've heard all day. Let's go !'

We went to lunch. But we didn't go Where we normally would go. She chose instead at a quiet bistro With a private table. We had two martinis each And I enjoyed the meal tremendously.

On the way back to the office, Jane said, 'You know, It's such a beautiful day... We don't need to go straight back to the office, Do We ?'

I responded, 'I guess not. What do you have in mind ?' She said, 'Let's drop by my apartment, it's just around the corner..'

After arriving at her apartment, Jane turned to me and said, ' Boss, if you don't mind, I'm going to step into the bedroom For just a moment. I'll be right back.' 'Ok.' I nervously replied.

She went into the bedroom and, After a couple of minutes, She came out Carrying a huge birthday cake ... Followed By my wife, My kids, And dozens of my friends And co-workers, All singing 'Happy Birthday'.


And I just sat there....

On the couch....

Naked.

Just the laugh I needed as I still have a cold.