My 16 year old son has just been diagnosed with mild autism, probable Aspergers Syndrome. He has a very high IQ and also ADD.

His main issues are social - inappropriate behavior, unable to form relationships with other children, inability to work within groups, etc. He has the obsessive behavior with hobbies (dinosaurs and video games) and inability to follow through with instructions. The thing that drives me the craziest is his inability to accept responsibility for his actions - always trying to blame EVERYTHING on someone, anyone, else.

Was just wondering if any of you have children with these problems and how you deal with them. My husband and I have a total disagreement on how to handle Jon. I think we should give him chores and responsibilities and follow through with discipline if he doesn't complete tasks to a reasonable degree.

David grew up with a blind/mentally retarded uncle who, it was assumed, was unable to do anything so he never could. When I worked NICU, I would tell parents of babies that were possibly disabled, that if they took the baby home and treated him/her as if they couldn't do anything, they never would. If they took them home and treated them as normally as possible, then whatever was there would develop to the highest potential.

I believe that. David, however, doesn't put much expectation on Jon, allows him to video-game all day, and doesn't discipline him at all. This makes it nearly impossible for me to accomplish anything and the girls resent that he doesn't "do anything to help" around the house.

We've discussed it to death, but I can't get anywhere. Any suggestions, experiences, thoughts, will be appreciated.

Personally I think the Asperger Syndrome part is the hardest to deal with.... as the other two parts (which are often seen together) are ... for educational influence doing great with little tasks... and ritme!
The problem with the two other parts may just be there...when the child has to do the living on its own.... ritme will be gone very soon...and so ... whole system will be impossible...

The problem is when it is going together with the asperger syndrome.... Video gaming all day is bad for all children... even the healthy ones... and all children should carry little responsibilities... within their capability! It is very important for them ... as when they do them right they will be complimented and that way they will grow!

Autism abilities vary extremely from unable to talk to highly intelligent. Is you son in Special Ed classes, regular classes or main streamed? Are there any violent tendencies? I would talk with professionals for Autism resources that are available for you. Your school should be able to help you. Also, you can see if your community has any Autism support groups, or join one on the internet. Rewarding your son with video game privileges for doing a chore, or giving another reward sometimes works well with Autism. Maybe start with a chore that can be done in a short amount of time would be easier due to the ADD. I feel that the more independence you can teach him will help him in his adult life. Lots of praise for his accomplishments will help also. This will help his self confidence. It is important to be extremely patient with Autistic children.

DisneyPluto's post has some excellent advice.

I have 2 nieces with Autism.

One sis-in-law thought her dau was disabled and would never function normally, so she didn't attempt to teach her anything. When she was nearing 20 she finally started trying to get her to do minor grooming for herself. And that is about all she can do now, besides sit in front of the TV or stereo, she loves music.

When my sisters youngest child was diagnosed with Autism she came to me. We dicussed it and decided not to tell the older children (hers and mine), and to not treat her any differently than the rest. Today she is slower than the others, but functions on a much higher level than my other niece.

My sister has found with my younger niece that she has a hard time doing chores that have a tendency to have a stop/start to them. So she put her in charge of the laundry, with a household of 8, there is always laundry to do. And she can do this repetively from day to day.

I agree that TV and Video games should be a treat not an evryday thing, try to get Jon involved in the everyday things going on around him instead.

Hope this has helped some.

Jon is in regular classes under an IEP. He has an expressive speech dysfunction and gets speech therapy during his study hall. He is in band as well (plays tuba). The school is helping, but it took us all year to get the autism evaluation done. He changes schools for next year - from junior high to senior high. He has had some violent tendencies at times, at me or his dad when we have pushed him to do something he didn't want to do. We decided long ago that we wouldn't let him see any fear. We have actually had to sit on him to calm him down at times. He hasn't had one of those fits in several months, thank goodness.

We have tried hard to get him involved in things. He won't do sports and uses his asthma as an excuse. We have managed to get him to participate in some family outings/trips, etc.

RR

It sounds like he is doing very well for his diagnosis.
Apparently you have done a great deal to help him get this far, that is great!
Don't push him to do things he is not interested in, just try to include him in the day to day
and let him decide where he feels comfortable.
Knowing he is loved and accepted as is by his family, (which he apparently is very much), will help him to accept his own limitations, and learn ways to overcome them in his own way.


May God Bless
Have a good day

http://en.allexperts.com/q/Autism-1010/Dis...-Asperger-s.htm

http://ezinearticles.com/?Aspergers-and-Di...&id=1222966

http://www.aspergerresources.com/asperger_..._classroom.html

Above are some links that may help. You might do well to contact a child psychologist and ask what is appropriate, though it seems you are on the right track with your attempts to teach him skills that will be of great use to him. You know what you are doing, I believe, and I'm entirely in your corner in this. Your child for one is only mildly afflicted, and is capable of doing many things. I'm very glad that his condition has been realized so he can be treated appropriately. Always in my prayers, and I will definitely hold this situation up as well; you need your DH's support in this and both of you need to come together so your child will have the order he needs. With both of you doing something different, it is not a good thing for him. It's not good for any child to have parents on different spectrums of discipline, but even worse with a mentally challenged child who needs order. I know you know the importance of teaching him life skills. He's a brilliant child and needs guidance to be able to meet the challenges he is now facing and will face in the future.

((((((((((((((((Cindy))))))))))))

Oh RR, I just saw this post yesterday and have been thinking about you every since. Do you think that it is possible that your husband is just feeling overwhelmed and unable to cope with this on top of everything else that is going on in your life? Take time to make sure that he gets all the facts on Aspergers Syndrome and perhaps have him join some support groups for parts of kids with autism. Give him some time and he may come around. I agree fully with tulp that even 'normal' kids shouldn't be allowed to video game all day so convince your husband that he shouldn't be allowed to do that regardless.

I will be praying for you and I am going to add your son to some of my prayer lists also. Hang in there I know you can do this.

Hi. His attitude towards Jon has always been the same. We've always known he marched to a different drummer and David has never been consistent with him. Jon has ADD too which adds to the problem. One reason our house is such a disaster all the time is because when I was working 60+ hours a week and David was home, he never did much and never enforced chores with the kids. So now, they don't do anything without a fight (except for Janna - she'll have marathon cleaning spells when she wants something, then she quits. She can do a wonderful job when she wants too.)

I suspected autism several times when Jon was an infant. Was hoping the symptoms were simply related to prematurity. He always met his developmental goals including speech, but he has a terrible time expressing himself. That is, apparently, part of the autism. He has absolutely no social skills at all despite efforts to teach him.

He won't do support groups.

I can't even begin to tell you how many times we've had the video games fight.