Why are a lion at the beach and Christmas alike?
Because the lion has sandy claws.

Why does Santa Claus go down the chimney on Christmas Eve?
Because it soots him.

What can Santa give away and still keep?
A cold.

What does Santa use to raise corned beef and cabbage?
A knife and fork.

There is something at the North Pole that has many teeth
but does not bite. What is it?
A comb.

What kind of fish does Santa find in a birdcage?
A perch.

Why do giraffes get Christmas gifts every year?
They are so good that they'll stick their necks out for anyone.

ELF: Santa, one of the reindeer swallowed my pencil! What should I do?
SANTA: Use a pen.

Why did the elf push his bed into the fireplace?
He wanted to sleep like a log.

What do elves learn in school?
The Elf-abet!

If athletes get athletes foot, what do astronauts get?
Missletoe!

How many reindeer does Santa Have???
11 (named below)
Dasher, Dancer, Prancer, Vixen, Comet, Cupid, Donner, Blitzen
Rudoph (the one with the red nose)
Olive (Olive the other reigndeer {all of})
and Al (Then Al the reindeer loved him {all})

What nationality is Santa Claus?
North Polish.

If Santa Claus and Mrs. Claus had a child, what would he be called?
A subordinate claus.

What kind of bird can write?
A PENguin.

Why does Santa's sled get such good mileage?
Because it has long-distance runners on each side.

Why does Scrooge love Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer?
Because every buck is dear to him.

What do you call a bunch of grandmasters of chess bragging about their games in a hotel lobby?
Chess nuts boasting in an open foyer!

What do you get if you deep fry Santa Claus?
Crisp Cringle.

JUDY: What did the ghosts say to Santa Claus?
MIKE: We'll have a boo Christmas without you.

ELF NO. 1: What did Santa shout to his toys on Christmas Eve?
ELF NO. 2: Okay everyone, sack time!!

What do you call a cat on the beach at Christmastime?
Sandy Claus!

How do sheep in Mexico say Merry Christmas?
Fleece Navidad!

Some more......

What did Adam say on the day before Christmas ?
It's Christmas, Eve !

What do you have in December that you don't have in any other month ?
The letter "D" !
What does Father Christmas suffer from if he gets stuck in a chimney ?
Santa Claustrophobia !

What do you call a letter sent up the chimney on Christmas Eve ?
Black mail !
Who delievers cat's Christmas presents ?
Santa Paws !

Why does Father Christmas go down the chimney ?
Because it soots him !
Who delievers elephants's Christmas presents?
Elephanta Claus !

How many chimney does Father Christmas go down ?
Stacks !

GROAN


i think this one is inaccurate though

Why does Scrooge love Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer?
Because every buck is dear to him.

i think reindeer are like elk, they have bulls and cows, not bucks and does, but i might be wrong

CHERUBIC

And some more......

Did Rudolph go to a regular school?
No, he was "elf"-taught!

'Father Christmas has two reindeer. He calls one Edward and the other one Edward! I bet you can't tell me why he does that!'
'Oh, yes I can.' the elf said.
'Because two 'Eds are better than one, of course!'

How can Santa's sleigh possibly fly through the air?
You would too if you were pulled by flying reindeer!

How do you make a slow reindeer fast ?
Don't feed it !

How do you get into Donner's house?
You ring the "deer"-bell!

How does Rudolph know when Christmas is coming?
He looks at his calen-"deer"!

How long should a reindeer's legs be ?
Just long enough to reach the ground !

How would you get four reindeer in a car?
Two in the front and two in the back!

And how do you get four polar bears in a car?
Take the reindeer out first

I'm so strong I could lift a reindeer with one hand.
Yeah, but where are we going to find a one-handed reindeer?

You got me tickled.

Happy Christmas and Merry New Year, my friend.