DANGER: MONITORS AND KEYBOARDS HAVE BEEN INJURED WHILE PEEPS HAVE READ THESE JOKES

Isn't making a smoking section in a restaurant like making a peeing section in a swimming pool?

If 4 out of 5 people SUFFER from diarrhea... does that mean that one enjoys it?

If people from Poland are called Poles, why aren't people from Holland called Holes?

Do infants enjoy infancy as much as adults enjoy adultery?

Why do croutons come in airtight packages? Aren't they just stale bread to begin with?

Why is a person who plays the piano called a pianist but a person who drives a racecar is not called a racist?

Why isn't the number 11 pronounced onety one?

If lawyers are disbarred and clergymen defrocked, doesn't it follow that electricians can be delighted, musicians denoted, cowboys deranged, models deposed, tree surgeons debarked, and dry cleaners
depressed?

If Fed Ex and UPS were to merge, would they call it Fed UP?

Do Lipton Tea employees take coffee breaks?

What hair color do they put on the driver's licenses of bald men?

I was thinking about how people seem to read the Bible a whole lot more as they get older; then it dawned on me ... they're cramming for their final exam.

I thought about how mothers feed their babies with tiny little spoons and forks, so I wondered what do Chinese mothers use? Toothpicks?

Why do they put pictures of criminals up in the Post Office? What are we supposed to do, write to them? Why don't they just put their pictures on the postage stamps so the mailmen can look for them
while they deliver the mail?

If it's true that we are here to help others, then what exactly are the others here for?

You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive.

Ever wonder what the speed of lightning would be if it didn't zigzag?

If a cow laughed, would milk come out of her nose?

Whatever happened to Preparations A through G?

I'll continue wrecking my keyboard and minitor in a sec, but I just HAVE to say something about this. Couldn't resist. Here goes .

And if people from Holland are called holes, are Dutch Surinam people called black holes?

Marbrie -

I knew you'd say something about the "Holes". I was falling off my chair reading these. My favorites were those two. Great minds......... I could just see those Chinese moms feeding those babies with toothpicks

I also thought these were hysterical:
Why isn't the number 11 pronounced onety one?

If Fed Ex and UPS were to merge, would they call it Fed UP?

Whatever happened to Preparations A through G?

Of course, it was about 2:00am when I read these, so maybe I was just really tired and silly.

From my son:

What do you get when a beautiful woman marries a roadrunner?

Beauty and the beeps.

as always roadrunner, FUNNY STUFF. i love it.
"I was thinking about how people seem to read the Bible a whole lot more as they get older; then it dawned on me ... they're cramming for their final exam."

ZING!

Great jokes you guys. Wish I had some to add right now!