Last weekend, I went to my first cousin's house. I've been helping him with some research and had some information for him. I got there about 11 pm and we talked for a while, played cards, gave him the info. and we discussed it. When I looked at the clock, it was 3 am.
I called my husband, who said "I can tell that you've had a few drinks. Don't drive home tonight". I took him at his word, and slept on my cousin's couch.
I arrived home at 8 am the next morning with breakfast, and profuse apologies. My husband was ticked off at me for DAYS over this. He knew where I was, why I was there, that I was safe and sound.
Please tell me what I did wrong, if anything. Maybe I just don't understand men ? Should I have risked a DUI just to come home ? (It's an hour's drive...)
What do you think ?
Please, be brutally honest.....

We just don't understand men is the correct answer!

It was your husband himself who suggested that you sleep over at your cousin's house, right? Soooo why was he ticked then? So typical if you ask me, whatever you do it doesn't seem to be just the correct way lol

I would have done the exact same thing if I was in the same position,

atleast don't feel bad because you did it 100% right!! You stayed safe, didn't have to worry about possible DUI's and for heaven's sake, it's your cousin!!! What could be the problem???

Hugs,

Pia :-)

Eh Men!!!

You seriously can't win with them.

That's so typical too, to tell you to do something, then when you do, it's still not the right thing!

I would have done the same thing in your shoes. You did nothing wrong!! Let him stew, he'll get over it...they always do. (They know they're wrong you see!)

- Jenn -

You did nothing wrong. If he wanted you to risk your health, then shame on him!

Of course, we all make mistakes (well, he did lol). He'll get over it.

At least you were at a cousin's house...and not at some random male friend's house. I'm not implying anything here...but men and jealousy *sometimes* go hand in hand, even when there's no need for it.

Goodness, my first cousin is like the little brother I never had. I'm an only child. I think my husband was jealous because:

1 - I didn't invite him, as the research we were discussing is confidential and related to my cousin's job.

2 - I spent my time with someone (anyone) other than my husband on a weekend night.

3 - He could be. And make me feel guilty. He is soooo good at guilt trips. If you could sell them, he'd be rich !

Sounds like a "Don't stress too much he'll get over it" thing.
You'll be right

Cheri, you definately did not do anything wrong!

Men are by nature territorial, and any other male, no matter who it is, who seems to be on your 'territory' is seen as a threat. Its just one of those animal instinct things.

Not that your cousin was ON your husbands territory...but you were having a good time with him and thats seen as a threat! I sometimes think that men cant help it, its almost ingrained into their genetic make-up. Survival of the fittest and all that

Mandy --- You're right. It's probably that territorial things....Gary's very much Mr. Macho: ex-boxer, ex-marine, and that biker thang too.


But - I did have a great time ! I haven't seen my first cousin in quite a while because he travels a lot, works too hard and is rarely home.

It was worth it. He'll get over it, past it, around it, through it. I'll just be 'reminded' of it next time he gets in trouble !

You can't win somtimes. My husband did kind of the same thing with me years ago and I never forgot it, cause it blew me away.

His grandfather had just died. The night before the funeral I was getting dressed to go to the funeral home with my husband - well before the grandfathers death I had made an appointment for that night, and it was something rather important but I was going to skip it to go to the funeral home with my husband. He was the one that insisted that I not miss my appointment. He insisted that I go and that it would be okay since I would still be going to the funeral with him the next day. I really didn't want to because I remembered how upset I was when my own grandfather died and I wanted to go with him but he kept insisting. I finally gave in - well when I got home later that night he was all upset with me because several people had asked where I was and he was embarrassed because I was not there with him. But he was the one that insisted that I keep my prior appointment!!! Somtimes you just can't win.

Are you sure that your husband is not a little jealous of your cousin? If he is someone you are really close to he might be. Men tend to be a little jealous of people that have known their wives longer than they have and share past experiences and memories. I don't know why they are that way but they are - I have witnessed it in many men. Now this is where the men come in and say that women are the same way.

If I were you I would just let it slide and not bring it up anymore - he will get over it.

I don't think you did anything wrong.
But I'm pretty easy-going.

If you feel strongly about it, talk to your husband about it. Don't let it slide.

I know in a marriage, or any other long-term relationship, sometimes you have to "pick your battles" so-to-speak, but you might find that this is an issue that you feel is important enough to discuss with your husband.

Without trying to sound like a bad pop psychologist, and without knowing a lot of details, it sounds like its mostly a control issue.

Also you said you apologised when you got home the next morning. Did you apologise because you felt guilty for staying out all night? Or did you apologise because you knew it was expected and it might make things easier even though you didn't feel you really had anything to apologise for. (Hmmm...I thought only men had to do that. )

Honestly, if my wife went out and didn't specifically say she was going to stay gone all night, or that she was going to stay out late, I'd be upset if I didn't hear from her until 3am. And she'd feel the same if the situation were reversed. That's how it works in our marriage.

So maybe your husband has a right to be upset, if you broke one of the "rules" in your marriage.

So he's upset, you apologize, and that ought to be the end of it, shouldn't it?

What's the point of some kind of extended guilt-trip? It seems a bit adolescent, doesn't it?

Besides, it would've made more sense for your husband to accept your apology and just drop it, and then use it as a defense the next time he stuffs up. :lol"

Cheers,

Wil

Seems to me a "Me Tarzan, you Jane" issue. Give him a vine plant for his birthday so he can swing in a tree somewhere, next time. Has he marked every corner of the garden yet? <g>

Eld.

Put it back on him. If he knew you had been drinking and still wanted you at home, he could have come picked you up.

His birthday was yesterday, and he didn't get a vine. He hasn't literally marked the territory here, but he is kinda on the possessive side. Usually that isn't an issue.

I apologized because I did feel guilty. I drank more than I usually do. I took two wine-coolers with me and that was all I planned to drink. Didn't know my cousin was buying me a 4-pack of them. I drank 5 total in four hours. It's questionable as to whether or not I would have been judged as intoxicated if I had been stopped, but I don't take chances like that.
I didn't feel guilty about being out late - heck, I left the house late (with his permission) and didn't arrive until around 11 pm. It's about an hour's drive, give or take a few minutes for traffic and redlights. If i'd left my cousin's home at 3 am, I'd probably have been at my house before 4. I was planning to be home around 2-2:30.

We don't have many 'rules' in our marriage. The one absolute is honesty.

I didn't even have to tell him i'd had more than two wine coolers. He could hear that southern drawl that comes outta my mouth when I drink as soon as I called.

Well I dont think you did anything wrong myself but hey thats me and I am pretty easy going.

Most times jealousy is born out of insecurities anyways

The ex biker bit didnt scare me BUT the ex marine thing did..lol NO offense but I havent met ONE marine or ex marine I thought was completely mentally stable..lol

NO dont take it wrong or personal what I said...you did say be honest so I was about marines

I am glad it worked out and I am sure he is a good father etc...I just havent met a marine or ex marine yet that is stable...I know there are some out there of course